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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Day 92, I'm not weak, only half of me is.

So, after a day of the Beastmaster pushing my body into positions it was never meant to be in, I've had an epiphany.  My entire left side of my body is protesting the improvements.  We spent yet ANOTHER day working out my shoulders, chest and abs, and I've learned, that when it comes to the left side of my body; it's on permanent strike.  The saddest part is, it's visible.  I sit in an upright position flexing my "core", and the left side of my gut literally sticks out farther than my right.  Ummmm, say wha???  I kid you not.  I am lopsided muscularly.  I am a freak of nature.  Something must be done.  I wonder if there's a surgery or something out there to correct my misaligned muscles.  Because certainly my workouts aren't cutting the mustard. 

By now, I have six-pack abs.  They're just hidden by the keg sized fat I lovingly call "Bubba" on top of them.  That comment got a laugh out of the Beastmaster while he was trying to catch his breath from whatever exercise we had just completed.  Ha!  I outdid him in the aerobic stuff!  (I don't care that he has asthma)  Who's the bitch now, mister???  I would guess that it would still be me, because he's built like a brick poop-house and I'm built like a fat straw-house.  Any minute now the big, bad wolf is gonna come blow my weak house down.  And then where will I be?  Fat and homeless; that's where I'll be. 

So, suffice it to say, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands and actually go to the gym on days I don't have personal trainer appointments.  Woe is me.  Who'da thunk that the backside-kicking I've been receiving twice a week wouldn't cut it.  Oh, my shoulders and chest are getting more defined.  Whoopee.  After all of the personal, physical attacks on my abs, I'd have thought I see some sort of difference.  There I go again thinking.  I guess there's no escaping the ineveitable aerobics to come.

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