Let them eat cheese fries!

I'm not exactly sure WHY the country is going so screwy, but I have a theory. (You know this is gonna be a humdinger)  I believe it has something to do with the fact that you can't go into a diner and ask for cheese fries anymore.  Hear me out...  The American 'health kick' that everyone seems to be on, is not helping ANYONE.  Everyone I see is miserable looking, snotty, perturbed, or just downright mean.  Besides the fact they all look malnourished, it still took me awhile to figure out why.  I like my happy fat America.  Why does everyone hate on the cheese fry?  I'll tell you why.  They're STARVING!  All of these people on their little healthy diets with no carbs, no fat, no sugar, no taste, eating nothing but lettuces and raw vegatables cannot possibly claim they live happy existences.  What happened to enjoying life and living it to the fullest???  Why is it that ordering fried mushrooms in your favorite restaurant earns you a dirty look?  It's not like I'm committing murder here.  My entire diet does NOT consist of junk food.  But, hey, why can't I get it when I do want to cheat the healthy lifestyle?  These fascists are making it more difficult to satisfy my naughty cravings. 

I'm almost getting to the point that if they don't bring me my cheese fries, I may just buy myself a bucket of lard and eat it with an ice cream scoop just to spite them.  There will be melting, sticky grease dripping from my sweat glands.  They will have to place a roll of paper towels underneath me before I sit down, just to soak up the oily mess that I will emit from every pore on my body from consuming such large quantities of hydrogenated oils and trans fat.

Ok, even that last thought made ME throw up a little in my mouth; but come on...  A little portion of unhealthy can go a long way and help a person have good mental health.  Sometimes those things we know are bad for us seem to make things better; like you've fought the law, and YOU won.   So, random rambling completed.  I'm off to go turn on the fryer and heat up the cheese sauce.